Gym Rats and Other Creatures

Every gym has them, whether it be a garage gym or big box facility, there will always be special people that you share your workout space with. Some times you may wonder if you're a magnet for this type of gym dweller, but fear not: it's not you ... every place has at least one or like Noah's arc, two of each of these creatures:

The Pack Rat (aka: Pork Pensum Kilogramus): Collects various pieces of equipment (like to only power band in the gym), assorted dumbbell weights, mats, tubing, medicine balls, plyo boxes (a 24, 20, and a 16) to complete their workout. The interesting thing is they never use all the equipment they've collected, do not want to share with other gym goers, and monopolize said equipment for at least 90 minutes. The pack Rat is closely related to The Hog.

The Muskrat (aka: Rattus Perfumus): The creature seems to think that cologne or perfume should be used as BBQ marinade, and bathe themselves liberally in the stuff. Although the Muskrat is elusive and keeps very strange hours at the gym, in fact you may never see him or her, but you will most certainly smell them.

The Peacock (aka Corpus Speculum Admiratio): This bird likes to show off it's body, the facility could be a balmy 18°C , but they will rip off their shirts so that all other may admire their bodies in full, sweaty , glistening splendor. Usually the peacock will attract a the attention an equally beautiful mate, and they will regale each other with displays of flexing, grunting, and plumage fluffing while other gym goers watch with a mix of awe and incredulity ( OMG! Really? You're taking off your shirt ...again?!) . Barf.

The Hog (aka Porcus Culus): The Hog uses several pieces of equipment for intricate "circuits", marks it's territory by draping a towel or other personal effects on before mentioned equipment, and the carries on a lengthy conversation with The Magpie about the effectiveness of the ab-roller. As you approach a claimed piece of equipment (you've been watching this creature blab on for about 12 minutes and decided to go for it) and adjust the settings it grunts: "I'm using that...I got 6 more sets..". Nice.

The Skunk (aka Mephisto Perfumus): The Skunk is a relative to the Muskrat, but not as pleasant. This animal tends to wear previously used gym tops that were left to dry in a ball in the bottom of their gym bags. Impervious to it's own smell, The Skunk has no clue how bad it smells, and are usually "close talkers" or seem to pick the the perfect spot to workout...right next to you. Check Please!

The Sweat Hog (aka Porcus Sudare): The Sweat Hog creates large puddles of sweat in it's workout area, leaves sweaty butt prints on benches, head/hair imprints on mats, and various other outlined markings along it's workout journey. The Sweat Hog rarely cleans up after itself and never brings a towel. Be careful never to creep up behind, or startle the Sweat Hog: it may whip around in surprise spraying you with it's fluids. Double barf.

The Magpie (aka: Chattus Eternum): Whether on a cell phone or in conversation with another person, the Magpie is the only thing you hear squawking around the weight room. Also Dubbed "The Bullfrog" or "Human Trombone", the Magpie is loud and obnoxious, deafening, and oblivious to it's annoying habit. I SAID THE MAGPIE IS LOUD AND OB.....never mind, I'll tell you later....

The March Hare (aka Cuniculus Retardatum): It's late! it's late for a very important date. The March hare always seems to arrive late for class, usually with a full range of excuses (dropping kids off at the pool/day camp/soccer/school, needed to get gas, rescued a kitten from a tree..), and disrupt the class by setting up loudly, asking people to move around so they can "squeeze in", and are usually ask " ...So what are we doing today? I missed the first part..". Fail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

This is but a small sample of the animals you may meet along your path to fitness, there are so many other lovely creatures like the the Rhoidnocerus , the Tic, the Monkey, but I'll have to go over those on our next trip to the zoo...I mean gym.

If you spot any other fun animals, be sure to let me know !